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Writer's pictureMelissa Moskau

Reflecting on 6 Years

Hey Family and Friends,


During July, I celebrated 6 years since I was originally diagnosed with cancer. I desire to be transparent with you, to let you in on my thoughts and feelings. Life is so very different today than it was 6 years ago, in both good and bad ways. When I was first diagnosed with cancer, I was so naive as to what was ahead: both the good and the bad. I was thirty-six years old, just a few weeks from my birthday, filled with my own list of hopes and expectations for the years to follow. My list had good stuff on it like hoping to find the husband God had for me and having kids and a family of my own. However, I soon found out that my list of wishes was not God's ultimate will for my life. Five surgeries, ninety-five radiation treatments, and approximately sixty-five chemotherapy treatments later..I sit here reflecting tonight. I'm not strong physically anymore like I was six years ago. The weeks are long; the treatments and side effects are rough. When I was diagnosed with breast cancer 6 years ago, it was with a rare diagnosis referred to as triple negative breast cancer. Only 15% of women with breast cancer actually have this diagnosis. It makes it hard for doctors to treat because triple negative means none of the common receptors are present in the cancer. So this is the reality of my cancer today, and apart from a miracle of God's complete healing, I will be on treatments the rest of my life. By the way, when this goes out, I will be having chemotherapy. I would appreciate your prayers so much.


The brokenness and pain of cancer is real. However, if I never was given this journey to walk through, I don't believe I would know the goodness and joy of the Lord like I do today. It's not that cancer is not bad, it is that the Lord has shown me His goodness in a way that far exceeds anything I've ever known. On this journey, He has given me a joy I had never had in my life before. I could talk for days about this. When I was first diagnosed with cancer, I was ready to tell my parents that I would not be able to go through the treatments and scans because (they knew) for twenty-five years of my life I suffered with clinical Panic Disorder with Agoraphobia. I was afraid of driving, elevators, and the list goes on. God had supplied much grace in my life though. I hid it well even though I had a high level of dysfunction at times. I wanted to be normal. I wanted to do things that people my age were doing, but the horrific anxiety and panic kept me from so much in my life as I look back. So my first thought after getting diagnosed with cancer was "how in the world can I go through this with panic?" The panic was something I was ashamed of; and, even though I sought professional help for many years, only a few closest of friends had I confided in about my secret. One of the first people I contacted after the doctor called and said it was cancer was my Pastor at the time (Matt Tipton). Matt asked me if he could start calling some leaders in the church and get the word out for people to be praying for my cancer. So the church was praying, and God did what ONLY he could do. He healed me of Panic Disorder with Agoraphobia. It took me a while to figure it out. I went for a pet scan and was explaining to the tech that I didn't know if I could make it in the tube during the scan because of my problem with panic. Twenty minutes later, the machine rolled me out, and I saw the tech. He said to me that I did great and to stop going around telling people that I had panic, and we had a good laugh. I knew something had changed. The church had been praying. People all over the country had been praying for healing. This was a different kind of healing, one I needed so badly. One that I thought I'd never see this side of heaven. I had an appointment with my doctor I regularly saw for Panic Disorder. She said this was a miracle because panic is incurable, but she believed me and said it could only be attributed to God. I haven't had a panic attack in six years, and I rarely have any anxiety at all. It's not that the Lord just took the panic from me, He has replaced it with great joy even through these darkest of times in my life.


I discovered cancer was to be my new platform to share the goodness of the Lord. He is working for my good and His glory. I desire for the rest of my life, however long that may be, to make Him known. Whether that be at the cancer center I get treatments at or anyone I meet. I believe in the power of prayer, and I am so thankful for you who pray for me regularly. Another work the Lord has done in my life is that He has given me more and more faith in who He is. That is a gift from Him. The Lord is all I need. He is my only hope. He is good, not me. There's so much more that I could share. Thank you for being on this journey with me. I'll close with this. Augustine once said, "And this is the happy life, to rejoice to Thee, of Thee, for Thee; this it is, and there is no other." And the last 6 years I have had overwhelming and unspeakable joy! Thank you, Lord! And the journey continues...



Grace and Peace,


Melissa



(video below)



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8 Comments


Guest
Aug 02, 2022

Melissa, this is so encouraging for all of us to never doubt our awesome God!! Praying for you, dear friend and sister in Christ! Love to you and Janie!

Lynnette Johnson

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Toni Gray
Toni Gray
Aug 01, 2022

You are a great inspiration to me! Keep on fighting sister and we will keep on praying! God Bless you Melissa

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Guest
Aug 01, 2022

Melissa, you are a very strong person and strong in our Lord! Thank you for sharing your journey. I have so much admiration for your strength and faith!

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Guest
Aug 01, 2022

thank you for sharing this journey with us you and your Mom are in my prayers

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Guest
Aug 01, 2022

Thank you Melissa! You are such an inspiration and encouragement. ❤️

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